Latest Jokes

In school we were taught that Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants. However, none of the offspring survived.

A student decides he wants to skip school one day

Student (on phone): Hello. I am calling to inform the school that my son will not be able to attend school today.

School: And who is this?

Student: This is my mom!

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour , sir ."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

His wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. "

His wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat-belt on. You never wear your seat-belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?? "

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am? "

"Only when he's been drinking!"

What do you call the breeze from a wagging tail?

Tail Wind!