Latest Jokes

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, Afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

“He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

“Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark; the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back

"No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...(Wait for it) . . .
....."I've found Cod - I'm a prawn again Christian".
.

Nominated for quote of the year is the statement made by Texas Congressman Dick Armey when asked: "If you had been in President Clinton's place, would you have resigned?"

Armey responded: "If I were in the President's place, I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, looking up and listening to Mrs. Armey saying, "How do I reload this damn thing?"

An old lady walked into a newspaper office. She approached an employee and said that her husband had died and that she would like to have an obituary appear in the paper.

The employee gave her a form and told her to write the obituary on it. She wrote, "Earl W. Worth died Saturday, December 2nd at his home. Services are at The Baptist Church at 3 P.M."

The employee looked at the form and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but obituaries are limited to 7 words apiece.

The woman took another form and wrote, "Earl died. '57 Chevy truck for sale."

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started
back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a
grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did
you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your
private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen
before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."