Latest Jokes

Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."

On the way to lunch, a teacher spotted two boys playfully fighting. She asked one of the boys to go to the back of the line and he came back right after.

”Why aren't you at the end of the line?" asked the teacher.

The boy replied, "I couldn't, someone was already there."

A girl walks into a supermarket and asks the clerk,” Can I have a turkey for my grandma?" the clerk responds,” Sorry. We don't do exchanges."

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"

The man replied, "a burger and a coke."

"And you?"

"I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay.

"That will be $4.50." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Friday. "The usual?" she asked.

"No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."

"Me too," says the ostrich.

They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95." The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week. The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"

"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared."

"Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"

"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket."

"Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" she asked.

"Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."