I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test.
We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."
"And that wasn't love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. Then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Was that love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Was that love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was seasickness."
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, "Come on, Dear, let's get these out of the way."
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
"They're last year's," he said. "I forgot to mail them. Now let's go out to dinner and relax."
Two new work crews were putting in telephone poles. At the end of the day the foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had done.
"Twelve," was the reply. Then he asked the second crew and they said, "two."
"Two?" shouted the foreman. "The others did twelve!"
"Yeah," answered the leader of the second crew, "but you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground."