Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

A man wanted to be dismissed from jury duty, but none of his excuses worked. So on the day of the trial, he asked to approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant."

"Oh?" the judge asked.

"Yes!" the man replied. "I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I thought, 'He's a crook! He's 100% guilty.' So, your Honor, I couldn't possibly be on this jury!"

The judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are seeking--a good judge of character."

The man protested, "How can you say that?"

"Because," the judge said, "that man is the defendant's lawyer."

There was a rabbi in a small town and he was really curious about why so many people ate pork. He really wanted to try some, but there was nowhere in town he could go and not be seen. One weekend, he made an excuse and traveled to a distant town, went into a restaurant, and ordered the first pork item on the menu.

While he was waiting for his order of pork, the president of his congregation walked in. He saw the rabbi and asked if he could join him for dinner, and the rabbi had no choice but to agree. A while later, the waiter returned with the rabbi's meal. He took the cover off the large platter, and there was a whole roast pig with an apple in its mouth.

The congregation president was more than a little shocked.

"What a fancy place," explained the rabbi quickly. "Just look at how they serve the apple I ordered."