At the company water cooler, a man bragged about his children and their world travels. He said,
"One son is teaching in Bolivia, another is working in southern Italy, and my daughter is completing a year-long research project in India."
One of the co-worker's quipped, "Wow... what is it about you that makes your kids want to get so far away?"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”
"He came from heaven, Johnny.”
“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
When I told my parents over the phone that my husband has the flu, my dad said, "Have you tried euthanasia?"
In the background I heard my mom yell, "For the last time, it's echinacea!"
Apparently this was an actual radio conversation:
#1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."
#2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."
#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
#2: "No, I say again, divert YOUR course."
#1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!"
#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call?"