At a job interview:

“Mrs. Lober, what do you consider your greatest weakness?”

“Honesty.”

“Really? I don’t believe that is a weakness at all.”

“And I don’t really care about your stupid opinion.”

It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are sitting by a camp fire.

They’ve been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes already for an hour and the assault only worsens when the darkness sets in.

Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny shouts, “These darn mosquitoes! Now they’ve even brought lanterns with them to find us!“

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail...

I sent it right back, way too expensive and really bad quality.

Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop.

"What's the matter?!" she asked.

"Where's the body?!" demanded the officer.

"What are you talking about?"

"We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being butchered to pieces in this house."