Marty Profile



User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 466
# of followers : 16
# of following: 16
eligible jokes to win : 3
Location: United States
won: $ 345.00
$9.00 won 1 votes

A group of extraterrestrials were sent to earth to monitor and/or stop the use of nuclear weapons. The first creature they made contact with was a chimpanzee. Mistakenly they mistook the chimp as being the dominant species of planet earth.

After scanning the chimp one of them looked at the others and said, “This must be a mistake, perhaps we’re on the wrong planet.”

One of the other Aliens said, “You may be right. It’s obvious these beings are far too intelligent to use nuclear power in a destructive way."

1 votes

CATEGORY Scifi Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Danny came home with a very large bounty of Halloween treats. Danny’s eyes were gleaming; he had a smile from ear to ear while performing an impromptu victory dance for his parents.

His father said, "Danny you know there comes a time when we should stop going trick or treating."

Just them Danny’s mother interrupted her husband. "Dear, give the boy a break; after all he has two full years before he turns forty."

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
$5.00 won 2 votes

A father was driving nails while constructing a play house for his children. The youngest boy asked if he could hammer a nail. The father granted his request and showed him how to do it.

The boy did as his father had explained and lightly tapped to set the nail before hammering it in but he struck his thumb. It wasn’t enough force to bruise or break the skin but the father also knew it couldn’t have felt good.

After a few more attempts with the exact same result the father asked his son if he could help. His son quickly answered by saying, “Yes, would you hold the nail so I can get a good swing at it?”

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Teacher: Can anyone describe what a (shocking moment) is?

Little Johnny: It’s when you find out something that changes your world view.

Teacher: Yes, Johnny, that would definitely be an application of the term shocking moment. Can you give us an example of this in your personal life?

Little Johnny: When I was five my uncle Johnny came to visit from out of state and he’d cuss a lot. My mother said he’s just being a dummy and only does it because of my dad.

Teacher: OK, your uncle was trying to impress your dad inappropriately. I don’t understand what you found shocking about that?

Little Johnny: I was little and misunderstood my mom when she said my uncle was a dummy and my dad made him talk that way. It was really shocking when I found out my uncle could actually talk on his own and my dad wasn’t a ventriloquist.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |