Marty Profile

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Marty

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 460
# of followers : 16
# of following: 16
eligible jokes to win : 2
Location: United States
won: $ 345.00
0 votes

I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."

He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"

"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.

"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"

I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"

His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."

"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.

His answer... "The advice I just gave you."

0 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

I asked my doctor why it scratched the skin on the back of my hand when the dog pawed it.

He told me when you get older your skin gets thinner.

Happy to know this... it explains a lot about my disposition too.

1 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

I'm trying to eat healthy so I'm making some "whole grain" oatmeal cookies. I don't like raisins so I'm substituting them for M&M's.

I think their about the same thing, they both came from plants, right?!?!

1 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

A brown and white Snowshoe cat was walking down the street with a doberman walking along side.

I remarked that this was an odd sight to see.

My son said, "Not so much, if you had the money grumpy cat has, you'd have a bodyguard too."

1 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Marty" |