Marty Profile

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Marty

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 366
# of followers : 15
# of following: 12
eligible jokes to win : 6
Location: United States
won: $ 267.00
$7.00 won 1 votes

When my brother and I were very small my mother took us with her when she visited a girlfriend.

The lady gave my brother and I an apple. My mother said, "What do you say to the nice lady?"

My brother replied, "Peal it."

1 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Marty" |
$6.00 won 2 votes

As a way to compensate for their absence, a group of golfing buddies decided to all pitch in twenty bucks and one with the best golf score would take their wife dancing and dinner. The wives liked this idea since it was more than they had before.

Fred's wife was especially wanting him to win and the moment he returned after golfing she excitedly asked, "Are we having a special dinner tonight Fred?"

"Yes we are my dear, how does Peking Duck sound?"

She said, "That sounds great."

Fred replied, "Good, while driving over the pond on the 7th hole, I accidentally hit one. All we need now is the recipe."

2 votes

CATEGORY Golf Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Marty" |
$9.00 won 1 votes

A group of extraterrestrials were sent to earth to monitor and/or stop the use of nuclear weapons. The first creature they made contact with was a chimpanzee. Mistakenly they mistook the chimp as being the dominant species of planet earth.

After scanning the chimp one of them looked at the others and said, “This must be a mistake, perhaps we’re on the wrong planet.”

One of the other Aliens said, “You may be right. It’s obvious these beings are far too intelligent to use nuclear power in a destructive way."

1 votes

CATEGORY Scifi Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Danny came home with a very large bounty of Halloween treats. Danny’s eyes were gleaming; he had a smile from ear to ear while performing an impromptu victory dance for his parents.

His father said, "Danny you know there comes a time when we should stop going trick or treating."

Just them Danny’s mother interrupted her husband. "Dear, give the boy a break; after all he has two full years before he turns forty."

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Marty" |