Marty Profile



User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 366
# of followers : 15
# of following: 12
eligible jokes to win : 6
Location: United States
won: $ 267.00
$5.00 won 2 votes

A father was driving nails while constructing a play house for his children. The youngest boy asked if he could hammer a nail. The father granted his request and showed him how to do it.

The boy did as his father had explained and lightly tapped to set the nail before hammering it in but he struck his thumb. It wasn’t enough force to bruise or break the skin but the father also knew it couldn’t have felt good.

After a few more attempts with the exact same result the father asked his son if he could help. His son quickly answered by saying, “Yes, would you hold the nail so I can get a good swing at it?”

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Teacher: Can anyone describe what a (shocking moment) is?

Little Johnny: It’s when you find out something that changes your world view.

Teacher: Yes, Johnny, that would definitely be an application of the term shocking moment. Can you give us an example of this in your personal life?

Little Johnny: When I was five my uncle Johnny came to visit from out of state and he’d cuss a lot. My mother said he’s just being a dummy and only does it because of my dad.

Teacher: OK, your uncle was trying to impress your dad inappropriately. I don’t understand what you found shocking about that?

Little Johnny: I was little and misunderstood my mom when she said my uncle was a dummy and my dad made him talk that way. It was really shocking when I found out my uncle could actually talk on his own and my dad wasn’t a ventriloquist.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Teacher: Since it's storm season, can anyone tell the class what a category five storm is?

Little Johnny: It’s when everyone hides in their room, including dad. It usually happens when Aunt Suzy comes to visit us and she starts talking to my mom about politics.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |
$7.00 won 2 votes

Teacher: If two people told you they walked five miles in a straight line into a desert how many miles would they have walked together?

Little Johnny: They would have walked 10 miles together.

Teacher: That isn’t correct Johnny, they walked 5 miles together, so the answer is 5 miles and not a combined total of 10 miles.

Little Johnny, nope, it’s 10 miles and I’ll betcha a buck.

Teacher: You’re on! Now explain to the class how you arrived at 10 total miles. BTW, I’ll let you off the hook for the dollar.

Little Johnny: You said two people told me they told me they’d walked in a straight line five miles into the desert. How could they have told me this unless they walked backed? That’s ten miles in my book and I’m not letting you off the hook, change will be fine.

2 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Marty" |