Online Teacher: Johnny, you didn't complete the assignment I sent to your email box last week. Did you get the email?
Johnny: You'll have to ask the N.S.A., they read my emails so I don't need to. I figured if an email is important they'll let me know.
Teacher: Tell the N.S.A. they're getting an incomplete on this assignment and they better pay closer attention next time or they'll fail my class.
An English boy came home from school to hear the family parrot say, "Liam never does his homework."
Liam: "Who told you that?"
Polly looked the other way and said nothing..
Liam: "So, mum's the word eh."
Polly: "Oh man, don't tell Mum I told you."
Patient: I was born C-Section and every time I leave my house I constantly fight the urge to go out the window.
Doctor: On a scale of one to ten how bad is this problem?
Patient: I’d have to say a ten considering I live on the 88th floor of a high rise.