Marty Profile

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Marty

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 366
# of followers : 15
# of following: 12
eligible jokes to win : 6
Location: United States
won: $ 267.00
2 votes

My friends and I were doing Tequila shooters last night and decided to take a cab to the Standup Comedy Club for open mic night.

My friends encouraged me to get up on the stage and give it a try so I did. The people were in hysterics, everyone in the place was cracking up making sure to point me out to their friends.

When I got up this morning things were a bit hazy but I do remember how I brought the house down last night at the comedy club. A sense of pride was coming over me until my friend just called and told me we had reservations for the comedy club tonight.

I told him we went there last night and he laughed. He said they were booked last night so all of us went over to that new Karaoke place across town.

2 votes

posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Teacher: Johnny, what is a protagonist?

Little Johnny: It’s when you’re playing tag with kids from another neighborhood and they bring in a ringer... they're a Pro-Tagonist.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |
$7.00 won 2 votes

I lost my job as a spy. I was supposed to stand in a certain location and report if anyone picked up a package left on a park bench.

It began to rain badly and not far from my location I saw a park sign with a small roof over it. I took cover from rain for the worst part, but upon return to my post the package was gone.

Apparently my supervisors didn’t like my report when I reminded them the number one rule for spies is to remain under cover at all times.

2 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

At school my friend told me he was being bullied by two guys. I was visibly upset and steaming around the collar. With a very stern look on my face and a forceful voice I said “Let’s go take care of this RIGHT NOW!”

My friend went on to say the very large but smaller of the two goes by the name G.O. Rilla and the other guy is called Gigantophithecus.

He told me he thinks the big one got that name because you can only see a baseball size patch of skin on his face the rest is covered by thick wire like hair. He went on to say he thinks the guy has been held back in school about six or seven times.

My friend was quite concerned about seeking them out and asked if I knew a defense art form he wasn’t aware of.

I replied, “In fact I do, it’s called the art of diplomacy. We’re going to hire them as personal body guards. I get twenty bucks a week allowance, how about you?”

1 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
posted by "Marty" |