Rules for villains:

Never leave 007 tied up alone; he’ll escape and mess everything up. Just trust me on that!
If you’re anywhere near the Daily Planet news agency and decide to rob a bank it’s imperative you hire people to use every phone booth in a ten block radius.

Villains, when you drive away from a hero chasing you (on foot) drive straight and step on it. If you make a turn you’ll hear a loud thump; that’s the hero jumping on your car. They know all the short cuts. If this happens slam on the breaks, don’t just weave back and forth or you’re duck soup.

Last but not least if you’re a villain in Gotham City blend in, don’t wear flashy distinctive clothing or make up especially improperly applied lip stick. If Super Hero’s don’t know who you are the chances are they’ll just look around and scratch their heads.

Two guys sitting at the bar were talking.

The first one said, "Last week when I left here a car pulled out in front of me and caused an accident but the officer took me to jail."

The other guy at the bar replied, "That's too bad you were blamed. I think some cops are bias if you've been drinking. Let me see that ticket."

The first guy handed it over. The other guy looked it over and said, "Wow, this cop very bias and he's lying too... he's claiming you hit a parked car."

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Little Johnny: I'm going to become a famous writer. I plan on writing under a pseudonym instead of my real name.

Teacher: Have you decided what name you'll use in your literary efforts.

Little Johnny: Yes, it's going to be big Johnny.