“Doc, Doc!” the man yelled. “I’ve got cucumbers growing out of my ears!”
“My goodness!” exclaimed the doctor. “How did that happen?”
“Sure beats me. I planted carrots.”
Customer: Waiter, I’m hungry. Please bring me a mashed potato sandwich on rye.
Waiter: What are you saying? Only an idiot would order mashed potatoes on rye bread.
Customer: You’re right. Make it on whole wheat toast.
Little Johnny: I’m so glad you named me Little Johnny.
Mother: Why do you say that?
Little Johnny: Because that’s what all the kids in school call me.
Woman: Doctor, please come quickly! My little boy has just swallowed my fountain pen!
Doctor: Of course, I’ll be right there. What are you doing in the meantime?
Woman: Using a pencil.