My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don’t worry...
What is a social drinker?
If someone says, "I'll have a beer please," a social drinker always replies, "Social I!”
What happened when a man ordered a double?
The barman brought out someone that looked just like him.
Sherlock Holmes was carrying a box of lemons and placed it on Watson’s table.
Watson: Where did you get all those lemons?
Holmes: A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree.