Dentist: "This will hurt a little."
Patient: "Okay."
Dentist: "I've been sleeping with your wife for a year now."
Apparently, this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog.
My bad dude, my bad...
An Englishman says to his friend, the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.
"I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 12 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.'”
The Scotsman is impressed, and says: "Let's try it together this evening.”
So the Scotsman books them into a restaurant and come 12 o'clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.
The Englishman just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."
And the Scotsman adds:
"And we are still waiting for the change!"
A Prius just tried to race me at the light...
I totally had it for the first 100 meters, but I can only walk so fast.