A man had trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept saying chickens were noble creatures, and they had the right to go where they wanted. The man had no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds. He tried everything.
Two weeks later, a visiting friend noticed the flower beds were doing great! They were blooming and beautiful. So the friend asked, "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"
"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that."
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."
The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded.
Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."
Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.
Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"