The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady.

She said to the minister, "Please, sir, we've come to be married."

"I can't marry you with this man in this condition," said the clergyman. "Besides haven't you been here twice before, and haven't I told you the same thing?"

Yes, sir, you have," replied the lady. "But when he isn't drunk, I can't get him to come with me, sir."

"Jake," said his employer, "you've done a lot of good things since you've been here. I'm going to increase your pay five dollars a week."

"Thanks boss," replied Jake. "Would you mind putting that in writing?"

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you boss," replied Jake. "It's my wife. If I say I got a five dollar raise, she will think it's really fifteen. I just need proof."

There was a "hard boiled" foreman at a rather large construction site that was constantly urging his workers to go faster.

The men were getting tired and one day he heard someone shout, "Rome was not built in a day!"

"I know it wasn't," replied the foreman. "But that's because I was not in charge of that project. "