The client thumped his crutch on the ground as he confronted his lawyer. "Heavens, man, your bill is outrageous! You are taking three-fifths of my settlement. I never heard of such extortion."
"I furnished the skill, the eloquence and the necessary legal learning for your case," said the lawyer coolly.
"Yes," said the client, "but I furnished the case itself."
"Bosh," sneered the lawyer. "Anyone could fall down a deep hole."
As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."
Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter back from a major publishing company, the author sent a letter to the editor.
"Sir," she began, "you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story, for as a test I pasted together pages 18,19,20 and 21. My story came back with these pages still stuck together. I know you are a fraud and turned down the manuscript without reading them."
The editor replied: "Madam, at breakfast when I open an egg I don't have to eat the whole egg to discover it is bad."