A young man fell into a deep coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of his friends ask him what it felt like to be dead.
"Dead? I wasn't dead and I knew it because I was hungry and my feet were cold."
"But, how did that make you so sure?"
"Well, I knew if I was in heaven I wouldn't be hungry, and if I were in the other place, my feet wouldn't be cold."
The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion's cage.
Zoo keeper: "Didn't I tell you that when the lion is wagging his tail, he was friendly?"
Employee: "He was wagging his tail and roaring at the same time."
Zoo keeper: "So, what's that got to do with it?"
Employee: "Well, I don't know which end to trust."
Luke: I remember the time I played against Yale in football. What a game it was."
Mark: "What position did you play?"
Luke: "In the first game I was left...."
Luke: "Left out. In the second half I was back...."
Mark: "You were back in?"
Luke: "No, way back."