maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 494
# of followers : 5
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1316.00
$50.00 won 8 votes

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard Navy ship bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

8 votes

CATEGORY Military Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 7 votes

Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”

Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”

“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”

After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.

“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”

7 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$8.00 won 6 votes

The Dean is hospitalized after a heart attack.

As he is lying in his hospital bed reflecting on his near brush with death, an attendant arrives with a lovely bouquet of flowers.

The Dean asks the attendant to hand him the card and finds that it reads, "By a vote of 26 to 3 with 2 abstentions, the faculty wish you a speedy recovery."

6 votes

CATEGORY College Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 5 votes

My local college just announced the end of a scientific study...

Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

5 votes

CATEGORY Science Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |