A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar. The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.
The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"
The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate scientist says to the bartender, "Those climate-change deniers! You can show them the proof but they still won't buy it!
Little Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Canada.
On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."
I was observing two men that were working for the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while I had to ask, "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."
A friend of mine went on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant. It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.
Twenty years later we were in London on business and were watching a circus procession pass by. When along comes an elephant, as it gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk and lift him into the air and smashes him into the ground.
It was a different elephant.