"You in the back of the room, what was the date of the signing of the Magna Carter?"
"You don't? Well let's try this. Who was Bonny Prience Charley?"
"Well, tell me what the Tennis Court Oath was?"
"I assigned this stuff last Friday. What were you doing this last weekend?"
"I was out drinking beer and fishing with friends."
"You were? What audacity to stand there and tell me a thing like that? How do you ever expect to pass this course?"
"I don't. I just came in to fix the radiator."
On the first day of class the chemistry professor was asking around the room the elements in the periodic table. "Jones, what does HNO3 signify?
Jones, searching for the answer replied, "Well, ah, I've got it right on the tip of my tongue, sir."
Professor: "Well, you better spit it out. It's nitric acid."
"Hello," exclaimed Jenkins, as he met his friend Jones. "You're looking a bit off color. Anything wrong?"
"I'm afraid there is," replied Jones, "I've had to give up drinking, smoking and gambling."
"Well, I must say that's all to your credit," commended Jenkins.
"Oh, no, it isn't," snapped Jones. "Its due to my lack of credit."
While touring an old Roman prison the first tourist says: "Listen to this. It says here that in some old Roman prisons they have unearthed the petrified remains of some of the prisoners."
Second tourist: "Gracious, that must be where the name 'hardened criminals' originated."