My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...

I'm eggnogstic.

My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."