My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start, but I made it!

An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...

... just kidding, they know better.

Two diners at a very swanky eatery were shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in pancake syrup."

They summoned a waiter to complain.

Their waiters looked at the menu. Then he threw it down and yelled to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's corridor floors, and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Private Duncan replied, "Sure."

The Corporal turned red. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?"

Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!"