I got called pretty today...

The full statement was “you’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.

I walked into the liquor store and a guy working there asked me, “Do you need help?”

I said, “Yes, but I’m here to get whiskey instead.”

My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...

I'm eggnogstic.