My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.

He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.

He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.

Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"

I've opened a restaurant called: "Peace And Quiet..."

Kids meals: Only $150.

Murphy: "What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers, and plastic bottles?"

Liam: "What?"

Murphy: “Wee-cyclers!”

Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, her mom asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," the mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there."