Murphy: "What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers, and plastic bottles?"

Liam: "What?"

Murphy: “Wee-cyclers!”

Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, her mom asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," the mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there."

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"

The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"

The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"

The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"

Jane says, "No."

"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.

"No," says Jimmy's mom.

The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"

Again Jane says, "No."

"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.

"No," says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"

To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.