The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle in the church's soon to be put away nativity scene when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon. In the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all my boyfriend and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds in two weeks."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Not yet," the first replied, "I like to lose at least another 10 to 15 pounds first."

The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named:

MR. POTATO HEAD!

- He’s tan.
- He’s cute.
- He knows the importance of accessorizing.
- And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.

Two women are talking in a park. The first one says, "See my new diamond ring? My husband bought it for me."

The second one answers, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

The first one continues, "And see that shiny new car parked over there? My husband bought it for me."

The second one replies, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

The first one reveals, "And you know that big white house at the top of the hill? My husband is gonna buy that for me."

The second one answers, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

The first one apologizes, "Oh, I'm sorry, here I am, going on and on about myself! Tell me, what have you been up to?"

The second one responds, "Well, I've just completed a course on politeness."

The first one asks, "A course on politeness? Why would you spend time on something like that?"

The second one answers, "Because I used to say, 'Who gives a damn?' but now I say, 'Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!'"