The same guy has robbed the same bank three times in the last 30 days.

The FBI, in charge of preventing a fourth robbery ask the nervous bank teller, "Have you noticed anything in particular about the robber?"

"Yes," the teller replied. "I notice that each time he comes into the bank he's much better dressed."

A starving artist was discussing his recent painting for a local museum.

"Was it hung?"

"Yes, near the entrance where everyone could see it."

"Congratulations! What was it?"

"A board saying, 'Keep to the left'..."

I spent a lot of effort child proofing my house...

But the kids still get in.

Sign seen upon entering a furniture store:

Unattended children will be given espresso and a free kitten!