Sign on a maternity room door...

"Push, Push, Push!"

For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.

"It's my passport picture," she revealed.

"Really?" I stared in complete amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"

"Walgreens," she replied.

Only in America ......

Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"

Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling... with the others, I was awake."