A man showed some friends his apartment. One guest asked, "What's that big brass basin for?"
"That's the talking clock," answered the man.
He gave it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off! Don't you know that it's 2:00 A.M.!"
Two brothers were fast asleep in their room when the eldest heard a thud sound.
Eldest: What's that sound?
Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.
Eldest: T-shirt? Why was it so loud?
Youngest: Because I was still in it.
My husband was going on a diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, he ordered a milkshake. I pointed out that a shake isn't exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. He agreed, but he didn't change his order.
The long line must have given him time to make the connection between his order and his waistline. As the woman handed him his shake, she said, "Sorry about the wait."
"That's okay," he replied. "I'm going to lose it."