Only in America ......
Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling... with the others, I was awake."
Grandson: "When did you first realize you were getting old, grandpa?"
Grandpa: "When I started having my midnight snack at 9:30 pm."
What is a committee?
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.