The minister, meeting a neighbor's son after church, noticed he had a black eye. He put his hand on the boys head and says, "My boy, I pray you may never fight again. And that you will never get a black eye again."
"Thank you," the boy answered. "You may want to go home and pray for your own son too, I just gave him two of them."
The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion's cage.
Zoo keeper: "Didn't I tell you that when the lion is wagging his tail, he was friendly?"
Employee: "He was wagging his tail and roaring at the same time."
Zoo keeper: "So, what's that got to do with it?"
Employee: "Well, I don't know which end to trust."
1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. Whats wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "Its a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
A trusted aid was counseling the senator, "Some of your constituents are beginning to disagree with you."
The senator replied, "Keep tabs on them. When enough disagree with me to constitute a reliable majority, I'll turn around and agree with them."