As Noah was building the ark, what type of lights did he use?

FLOOD LIGHTS!

The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict.

After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner.

Judge: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?"

Foreman: "Insanity, sir."

Judge: "What, all twelve of you?"

Little Johnny's homework assignment was about The War of 1776.

As Johnny was doing his homework he asked his father, "Who was it that said 'we haven't started to fight yet'?"

"A bride and groom, still on their honeymoon I guess," growled his dad.

I recently compared the cost of living in nursing homes vs cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked cruise ship reservations and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day for 10 meals or room service (breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. The cruise ship swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken, light bulb out? Everything plus clean sheets and towels every day.
8. If you fall and break you hip: nursing home/Medicare. Cruise ship/upgrade to a suite forever.

Yep, Cruising is for me!