A local citizen ran for a political position for the first time and won. "Congratulate me," he says to his wife. "I won the nomination!"
The wife replies, surprised, "Honestly?"
"Now why in thunder did you want to bring up that point for?"
Different views on doing laundry...
Son away at college: If it's clean it goes on the floor. If it's dirty it goes on the floor over there.
Husband while wife is away: If I just take things out of the hamper as I need them, I do not have anything to fold.
Wife: With the amount of laundry I do, there must be more people living in this house!
Farmer: "I've arranged my garden so as not to be caught by droughts this summing."
Neighbor: "What did you do?"
Farmer: "I planted my potatoes and onions in alternate rows. The onions will make the potatoes eyes water and reduce the need for water."
A friend of mine recently announced that he was going to marry a widow.
A member of the group indicated that he would not like being the second husband of a widow.
My friend replied, "I would rather be the second husband of a widow rather than the first."