My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn’t dirty. The cobwebs are gone.

My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.

I think I might never put my glasses back on.

Romeo: "Somebody loves me."

Juliet: "Who loves you?"

Romeo: "Do you know that beautiful girl who moved into the corner house last week? I sang a serenade under her window last night, and she threw me a beautiful red, red rose."

Juliet: "In a moment of mad love?"

Romeo: "No, in a three pound pot."

A man came in late for work one day for the second time that week. His boss called him into her office and said, “What’s your excuse this time?”

He shrugged and said, “My clock didn’t go off and I overslept.”

She replied, “You could at least tell me something I haven’t heard before.”

He replied, “You are looking lovely today.”

An American enters a Swiss bank with a giant, heavy sack in each of his hands. He goes to the teller, brings his face close to the glass and whispers, "I have two million dollars with me. I urgently need to open a secret Swiss bank account!"

The Swiss bank teller replies in a normal volume, "Sir, there's no need to whisper. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."