Past Winners

A sailor didn't like anything he saw in the mess/food line, so he just picked up a large piece of chocolate cake. The cook asked, "Is that all you're gonna eat?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it doesn't look too appetizing."

The cook smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it!"

The cook leaned over and cut the sailor's piece of cake in half.

I had an office so small...

That when I put the key in the door, I broke a window.

To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grandfather got out. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.

"Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. How could you get lost?"

The old man smiled slyly. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. "I just got tired of walking."

It's so cold in Alaska that:

... someone stabbed himself with an icicle and died of cold cuts!

... babies are brought by penguins, not by storks!