Past Winners

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

My 5 year old: "Do trees poop?"

Me: "Of course they do, that’s how we get #2 pencils."

My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."

Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”