An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"
ELEPHANT AND ANT QUESTIONS - TO ASK SOMEBODY
1. One day the elephant and the ant went to play hide and seek in the Jungle. It was the elephant's turn to seek and he searched high and low until he came upon a temple in the middle of the Jungle. Q: Now, how did the elephant know that the ant was inside the Temple? A: Because the ant left his slippers outside.
2. The ant went to visit the elephant one day. After a nice meal, the elephant suggested they watch TV. Q: Why did the ant decline? A: Because he left his glasses at home.
3. One day the elephant and the ant went biking, when they crashed into a big truck. The elephant died immediately. Q: Do you know why the ant survived? A: Because he was wearing a helmet.
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."
Question: What do you call a dog with no front or back legs?
Answer: He's not going to come -- why waste your time?