business jokes

Category: "Business Jokes"
1 votes

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."

"Yes," says the man.

"Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."

"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application, "At least I'm not a quitter."

1 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

This device is designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P.E.N.C.I.L.). This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the (P.E.N.C.I.L.) will require preparation and
testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes).

Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core area must be exposed to properly function. Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper, and pull it across the paper. If properly done, this will input a single line.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or damage the data reception device. If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or the paper are damaged, go back to the preparation instructions above.

Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by the operator. Placing the device against the computer page forming symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering system you normally use. At the completion of each of the simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly to the right, replace it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and
accuracy. The P.E.N.C.I.L. is equipped with a manual deletion device.

The device is located on the reverse end of the P.E.N.C.I.L. Error deletions operate similarly to the "backspace" key on your computer. Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it
backwards over the letters. This should remove the error,and enable you to resume data entries.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device. Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable deletion, and may require re-initialization of action as above. This
device is designed with user maintenance in mind. However, if technical support is required, you can still call your local computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-DUMMY.

1 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

1 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$15.00 won 2 votes

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

2 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |