What did the two businessmen say to each other as they closed a deal during an earthquake?
"Let's shake on it!"
Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
"Boss," he said, "the pill my doctor subscribed me actually worked!"
"That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
Why do Barbers make for good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts!
A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.
At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.
At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.
Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...
At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.
Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.