A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.
This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate." he stated.
"Why, yes," she replied. "Every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
"$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?"
"He's a veterinarian," she answered.
"That's an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
Man: Marry me?
Woman: Do you have a house?
Man: No...
Woman: Do you have a BMW car?
Man: No...
Woman: How much is your salary?
Man: No salary... but...
Woman: No but. You have nothing. How can i marry you? Please leave!
Man: (now talking to himself) I have one villa, 3 pieces of property, 3 Ferrari's, 2 Porsche's. Why I still need to buy BMW!?!?
I don't have a salary because I'm the BOSS!
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? Said one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."