business jokes

A major speaker for the annual auto dealers convention was visiting the rest room just before he was to speak to the 10,000 members. He was asked, "Are you our special speaker?"

"Yes, I sure am and I am excited to be here," he replied.

"Are you nervous?"

"No, I'm never nervous before I give a big speech."

"If you are not nervous, then what are you doing in the ladies room?"

Sign in a local business: GUARDED BY SHOTGUN

3 Nights A Week... YOU guess which three!

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $35 apiece. I needed to step away for a bit so I asked him to watch them for me.

"Sure," he said, "but just in case someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

"Try for more, but I will accept $20 each," I said, and left.

When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.

"Twenty dollars each."

"Who bought them?"

"I did!"

A young man named John applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. It was one of the biggest stores in the world - you could get anything there. The boss said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

At the end of the next business day the boss came around and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars," said John.

"How did you manage that?" asked the boss.

"Well, this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his car probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe version we have."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered John, "he came in to buy a present for his mother-in-law, who'll come to visit on Friday, so I said to him, 'Well, since your weekend's messed up, you might as well go fishing.'"