A preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does, just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
Little Johnny runs to his dad and says, "Dad, there's water in the carburetor of the car!"
"How can you be so sure?" the father asks.
"I just know there is," replies Little Johnny.
"Do you even know what a carburetor is?"
"No," says Little Johnny.
"OK, where is the car?"
"In the lake."
Little Johnny is riding in the car with his mom.
Little Johnny: Mommy, why is there a deer lying down on the side of the road?
Mommy: He's sleeping.
Little Johnny: Why on the side of the road?
Mommy: He likes the sound of the cars driving by, it's very soothing.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than the nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny answers, "Well if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"