marriage jokes

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." 

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

One day Mr. Jones was playing golf and died of an heart attack. Nobody wanted to tell Mrs. Jones. When Mrs. Jones got worried one of his friends told her that he lost 5,000 dollars playing poker. Mrs. Jones said he probably dropped dead. Funny you should mention that said his friend.

It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (Pause as he listens.) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slammed the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"

The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."