marriage jokes

One night, a man's wife wakes up in the middle of the night and finds that her husband isn't in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him and finds him in the kitchen sitting down at the table. He doesn't look so happy, so she asks him "What's wrong honey?" He says, "Well, if 'I will' is the shortest sentence, does that make 'I do' the longest sentence?"

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads:

Dear love,
Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you.

Love,
Me.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

To celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, a couple returned to their honeymoon hotel. After retiring to bed, the wife said, “Darling, do you remember how you stroked my hair?” and so he stroked her hair. She reminded him of the way they had cuddled, and so they did. Then, with a sigh, she whispered, “Won’t you nibble my ear again?”
With that, the husband got out of bed and left the room. “Where are you going?” cried the wife.
“To get my teeth,” he said.

At the gates to heaven a new arrival, George noted that there were two paths, one marked Women, and one marked Men. He took the later path and found that it lead to two gates.
The gate on the right had a sign that said: Men who were dominated by their Wives. The sign on the left read: Men who dominated their Wives. The right-hand gate had a long line of men waiting, but there was only one scrawny little fellow at the left-hand gate.
George, before deciding which gate to go to, went over to the scrawny man and asked,
“Why are you at this gate?” the little fellow replied, “I don’t know. My wife just told me
to stand here.”