marriage jokes

A man came home from work after a horrible day at the office. His wife has complained to him over and over that he never notices her anymore, and he denied it. When he comes through the door his wife greets him and says,
"Hi, Honey. Notice anything different about me today?"
"Oh, I don't know. You got your hair done."
"Nope, try again."
"Oh, uh, you bought a new dress."
"Nope, keep trying."
"You got your nails done."
"Nope, try again."
"I give up, I'm too tired to play 20 questions."
"I'm wearing a gas mask!"

A little boy says to his mother, "Mom, I'll be good for a dollar" The mother replies, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good, you should be good all the time"
The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for 50 cents." The mother says, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good you should be good all the time.
The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for a 25 cents." The mother says, "How many times do I have to tell you I shouldn't have to pay you to be good. You should be good for nothing, just like your father."

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning. Her husband replied Well, lots of dogs can do that. The wife responded, But we've never subscribed to any papers!!!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.