marriage jokes

A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.

“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy… here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”

John agreed.

At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited. “I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.

“Great!” replied the counselor, “ And how’s your wife?”

John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”

A man has to wear three rings in his life
- Engagement ring
- Wedding ring
- SUFFERING

A guy comes home from work, runs into the living room, and flops down in front of the TV. He quickly turns it on and starts flipping through the channels. His wife walks into the living room and the guys says to her, "Wife, hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!" The wife goes to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband. The husband slams down the beer, gives her the empty, and tells her, "Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!" The wife goes to the fridge, gets another beer, cracks it open, and takes it to her husband. The guy slams the beer again, gives her the empty, and says, "Hurry up and get me 1 more beer, it's gonna start ANY minute!" The wife, getting upset, goes to the fridge, gets him a beer, cracks it open, gives it to her husband and says "You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, drink beer...............” The guy, hearing his wife complaining, sips his beer, sighs, and says, "YEP, IT'S STARTED!"

When a woman got married she put a shoebox in the closet and told her husband not to open it. After over 50 years of marriage she was dying and told him to open the box. When he opened it there were 2 doilies and $85,000.00 He ask why this was in the box. She replied “when I got married my mother told me to crochet a doily every time I got mad at you. He smile thinking she was only mad twice and ask what the $85,000.00 was. She replied that's the money from selling the doilies.