marriage jokes

Tired of having to balance his wife Lucy’s checkbook, Bob made a deal with her; he would only look at it after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape. Only then would he lend his expertise.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, the woman said proudly, “There! I’ve done it! I made it balance!”
Impressed, Bob came over to take a look.
“Let’s see … mortgage 550.00…electricity 70.50…phone 35.00.” His brow wrinkled
as he read the last entry. “It says here ESP, 615.00. What the heck is that?”
“Oh,” she said, “That means, Error Some Place.”

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."

A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.

“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy… here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”

John agreed.

At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited. “I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.

“Great!” replied the counselor, “ And how’s your wife?”

John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”

A man has to wear three rings in his life
- Engagement ring
- Wedding ring
- SUFFERING