marriage jokes

Husband: Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!

Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said "I died of cancer." The second man said, "I died of tuberculosis". The third man said "I died of seenus". The first two men said, "No, you mean sinus." The third man said "No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"

Two men, both married, were discussing their lives. Suddenly one says," You know, I think I would like to die before my wife"
" Now why is that"? Asked the other.
" Because if she's there when I arrive, she'll be telling a lot of things about me. And I want to clear my account before that"!

On their first evening in their new home the bride went in to the kitchen to fix drinks. Five minutes later she came back into the living room in tears.
“What’s the matter, my angel?” asked her husband anxiously.
“Oh, Steven! She sobbed, “I put the ice cubes in hot water to wash them and now they’ve disappeared!”